Faithful: In Memory of 2007

The year 2007 has gone – with all its trials and triumphs. But the memories remain and they serve as stones of remembrance to mark God’s faithfulness in carrying us through it all. 2007 was particularly blessed for me and my family because it marked the realization of one of our biggest dreams – to be together again as a family after a year’s separation from my husband when he came to work here in England.

It was also a year that saw me without any fulltime work. For all the 12 months of 2007, I was just a stay-at-home mom and wife and only my husband was employed. Because of this, I have seen how faithful my Father is as a Provider. He never allowed any unmet need. Amazing!

Because of the free time in my hands, I was able to start pursuing my lifelong dream of writing regularly. Yes, I had a glorious time learning to live the life of a writer – penniless but totally gratified by the freedom of being able to express thoughts and translate them into words.

No one in our family was seriously ill last year and this is another cause for deep gratitude. Because of the good health we had, we were able to stand the rigors of re-settling from the Philippines to another country – a severely cold and totally different place. Adjusting to the temperamental English weather and their way of life could have been more daunting had we been sick at any point in time last year. Because we were healthy, we were able to enjoy whatever blessings there were that came our way. We had the occasional colds but nothing more serious than that.

We gained a lot of new, wonderful friends last year due to the change of environment. We may have left a few really precious ones back in the Philippines but God compensated our “loss” with the ones we had the privilege to spend the recent Christmas with.

As a proper ending to this piece which is actually a tribute to God’s faithfulness, His birthday gifts to me and my husband last year need to be mentioned. For my birthday gift, He allowed the family to move into a rented flat on our own. For the first four months within our arrival, we shared a rented house with another family. My heart struggled in different areas in relation to this set up and in an endearingly sweet gesture, the Lord allowed us to have our own place and to transfer to the flat on my very birthday. The landlord determined the day of our transfer – not us. Truly amazing!

The Lord responded to my most urgent need and request and that was His present to me. He knew the depression that was setting in because I was jobless in a foreign land, with domestic issues to deal with all at the same time. He cared about how I felt and He lost no time in acting on my need.

My husband, on the other hand, received his brand new service car from his company on his birthday six weeks after our move. Again, the car dealer determined the date of delivery, not my husband so it must have been the hand of God as well for him to have it on his very birthday. God is so sweet, indeed.

A lot more blessings have come our way last year – as well as problems, trials and disappointments. But they are all gone now and what remains is our hearts full of thanksgiving and our steadfast faith in the One Who has carried us through it all. Goodbye, 2007!

Home is where....

Cooking is therapeutic to me. Aside from the necessity of dishing out nutritious food for the family, I cook because it heals me from my sadness and anger, boredom and apathy.

I do not follow procedures when I cook. I do not and can not cook the same dish with exactly the same taste twice. Procedures and measurements constrict me and therefore, limit my chances of benefiting anything from the whole process that is cooking. Whatever ingredients are available, I can whip up something edible and good tasting (at least according to my kids and husband – most of the time) out of them, regardless if there has ever been anything like it attempted by anyone before.

Ingredients are the main secrets in my cooking. As long as I have them, I’d be fine. A dash of this, a few slices of that, and a whole bunch of something else – that’s how I measure them. So far, I have not received any objection to the results.

Back home, I knew where to get all the ingredients I would need for my culinary adventures. It was easy then. Now that I am in the UK, it’s a different matter. The ingredients I took for granted as always within reach are nowhere to be found here. I brought some stuff over from the Philippines like Ajinomoto Ginisa Flavor Mix, Maggi and Knorr cubes, dried tengang daga, dried banana blossom and dried saffron kasubha for my lugaw or porridge. Not much for the active cook that I consider myself to be.

The rest that I used to cook with so often are not available here. Bagoong – well, I was able to buy a bottle of the boneless kind in a Filipino barrio fiesta at Milton Keynes last August. I am trying to be as economical as I can with it because the next barrio fiesta will not happen again until next year. Sometimes, I feel so helpless not being able to find kangkong, saluyot, tilapia or even pancit canton and miki at the supermarket down the road.

If I sulk, however, my family will starve – my kids have not yet adopted the English palate that go for stuff like shepherd’s pie, fish ‘n chips or pizza for lunch – those are just for their snacks. Well, they now like chips and baked chicken for dinner, but only because the chips (we call them French fries back home) are sprinkled with a dash of Ajinomoto Ginisa flavor mix. They still go for rice and a fish/vegetable/meat dish.

Besides, I want to feed them with home-cooked meals - not take-out pizza, fish n’ chips or pasta. I want them to grow up smelling food cooking in the kitchen. I want to fill their childhood with memories of sit-down evening meals. Most importantly, I want them to grow up eating Filipino food – well, at least most of the time.

So, I decided to be flexible, creative and adaptable in my cooking. I have substituted most of the vegetables that I used to cook with before, with whatever is available at the supermarket. Spinach takes the place of kangkong in my sinigang, aubergine takes the place of eggplant (actually, I do not see any difference between the two except the name) and some white pasta sauce takes the place of Magnolia All Purpose Cream for my special Pinoy spaghetti.

Just today, I cooked dinengdeng with ingredients that have come from at least four different countries. The bagoong is from my country, the okra from Jordan, the string beans from Kenya, the mushroom and spinach (which takes the place of malunggay are UK-grown and the taro – only God and the supermarket operator know. Really, I saw the effect of the WTO right in my pot! I am thankful that these products have reached me from miles away.

Before we came over here, my husband warned me that my favorite vegetable, saluyot, is not available here. I was resigned to the fact that I will only be able to taste saluyot again when we can go home to the Philippines for a vacation. One time, however, he brought me to this Indian market place where I saw saluyot being sold. Imagine my joy! I also saw other familiar vegetables like ampalaya and upo! They were quite expensive but we bought some. I will have to go back for more later on.

There is also this small Pinoy Foods store at the town mall where I can find some products we all miss having like Lucky Me Pancit Canton, bihon, longganisa, tocino, Datu Puti condiments and even junk foods like Nova, Piattos and others. Of course, they are more expensive than their prices in the Philippines. But really, who can complain?

In short, I have embraced cooking in a foreign country with the same passion but with a few adjustments. I have accepted the limitations posed by being so far away from home. I also learned to appreciate whatever familiar ingredients I can find here. As a cook, this has made me grow more in my love for cooking and my focus as a cooking enthusiast. This has opened my eyes to the fact that nothing can stop me from doing what I love to do and from my mission to keep my family well-fed with nutritious, home-cooked and full-of-love cooking.

At the end of each day, when the sink is clean and the oven has cooled, I stand in my tiny kitchen and feel this pleasurable feeling come over me. Maybe it’s a feeling of contentment, sense of accomplishment or a combination of both – I don’t know. They say Home is where the heart is.” I say, Home is where I can cook with pleasure.

VIGNETTES (Life in the UK)

Screaming Nurse

I learned two painful truths about life of Pinoys here in the UK. One is a fact that a friend told me about and the other, I witnessed myself in one of the streets in Luton, Bedfordshire.

My husband and I visited a Filipina friend living with her family down the block one afternoon. It was my first time to see her place and they had this nice garden at the back of the property. As I was admiring it, the conversation turned to things like home mortgages and car loans. It is a fact here that loans are very easy to obtain – as long as one is gainfully employed and has proper documents. And out of the blue, she said that most Pinoys from here who build their houses in the Philippines usually do so with borrowed money. Then I remember the beautiful houses in the Philippines owned by nurses working here which I used to ogle at. Now I know why they seemed so easy to build.

Most of us in the Philippines think that because a person has gone abroad, he has all the money in the world already. But that can’t be farther from the truth. It’s not like OFWs are just picking dollars or sterling pounds from trees! They work hard and spend less for themselves to be able to send something back home. The standard of living in any developed country is way, way higher than in the Philippines. And Filipinos usually go to these countries to work. They spend a lot for rent, food and other utilities as well. And usually, the tax is staggering! Whatever is left after all these expenses gets sent to their families back home, leaving the OFW with virtually no savings. There are only a handful money-smart people who know how to invest and stash some amount for the future.

I hope families of OFW’s who do not know how to spend their allotments wisely get to read this. There will come a time when their beloved OFW will not be able to send them money anymore for whatever reason – retirement, death, loss of job. There will come a time their beloved OFW will realize he has to invest for his own future as well. I hope by that time, they would have invested their money wisely or have gone to school and earned a degree to get them into a decent job to earn their own money as well. Instead of just waiting for and depending on their allotments from their beloved OFW. I hope they will also realize that OFW’s are not merely enjoying life while away from their families. They work hard, they feel homesick, they get sick as well. They worry about their loved ones and feel depressed at times. Yes, they get directly affected by anything that happens with their families back home. Like this scene I witnessed…

While on our way home from our friend’s place, we saw this Filipina nurse walking from work (How did we know? – she had her uniform on and she was walking away from the local hospital where most Pinoys are employed in our area.). She was talking to someone on her mobile phone and she seemed upset. She was on the other side of a busy road alright, but we could clearly hear her words: “Ano pa ba ang gusto mo, ako na itong nagpapakumbaba sa yo?” Her question was almost a desperate plea to the person on the other end of the line. As we turned to our street, we could still hear her, this time screaming her lungs out. It was good that the traffic noise drowned her words from that distance – as the desperation in her voice has already started to affect me.

I had a lot of possible explanations why that nurse was so angry. Maybe she was talking to a sibling or a boyfriend, or a husband, perhaps? There might be a third person involved and she wants to save the relationship. Or, she was asking that person to leave the Philippines and come over to settle here but the other person is refusing. A lot of other ugly scenarios played out in my mind. But no matter, I felt really sad for this kababayan – so far away from her family in that state of mind. It must have been hard for her to concentrate on her duties in the hospital with weighty matters like that.

Such is the situation of several kababayans who are away from their families. It does not help that they are almost helpless to do something about the situation. Physical distance is just too difficult to bridge even with our technology today. It still is most ideal to be together with one's family. It can get very lonely especially around winter time when it’s mostly dark outside and freezing cold. The warmth of a home and the security offered by a family close by are most needed to cope with loneliness. And when these are not readily available, one can only guess where they turn to ease the loneliness.

It is a fact here that married kababayans get into illicit relationships while away from home. I know of a pretty English nurse who has a married Pinoy for a boyfriend. The woman is liberated and the man is lonely – dangerous combination. And there is this couple – both Pinoys who are both very married back in the Philippines but who are carrying on a relationship here. When it’s holiday time, they go home to their respective families. I can’t make any sense out of such a schizophrenic relationship. But it happens all the time and who am I to judge?

And there go two painful facts I learned in just one day. They got me thinking and praying that night. I hope and pray that my husband and I will never succumb to the temptation of getting loans left and right to acquire a house here in England and buy an extra car and build a beautiful vacation house in the Philippines and buy a farm there, too. I pray that we will always be tempered in our spending. We came here to escape a life of poverty in the Philippines. May we never turn the wrong way and get ourselves seriously in debt here.

I am truly and deeply grateful as well to have been able to come over with the kids and be with my husband. We may have to work harder here but at least we are together and we can support each other and raise the kids side by side. We may have better chances at owning more cars and a bigger house in the Philippines with his earnings here. But at the end of the day, what matters most is a home and not just a palace with its king slaving in a far away land.

VIGNETTES (Life in the UK)

It’s Not Fire!

I met the first batch of our countrymen (or should I say countrywomen?) here in England in a BBQ one early evening last June. There were four of them, all seemed to be fast approaching their fifties. These four Pinays have been here in England for more than a decade already. They all hail from Samar-Leyte. Two of them are married to Brits.

The host was Tinay (not her real name), a native of Leyte. She is a midwife by profession who came here from Saudi Arabia. She works not as a midwife now but still in a health-related job. She loves hosting BBQs in her lovely little garden and when she heard that we arrived already, she invited my husband to bring us to one of her small parties. I found that quite sweet of her so even if I was not in a socializing mood that day, I graciously agreed to go. I’m glad I did because that was my first time to mingle with the natives here and to meet these four wonderful women.

Tinay, a feisty, small woman, is one of the two who are married. She has married twice already while here in England. Her first husband is a Filipino, with whom she has a child and the second one is this handsome Englishman. They were the perfect hosts. They set up the grill in the garden, brought out all the food and cooked these right infront of us while we were all sipping wine. I pretended to help in the grilling as I found the heat soothing – it was quite chilly for a BBQ, actually (at least for me).

I could see who was the ‘boss’ between the two while we were grilling. Tinay was giving orders and the handsome hubby was there to help. He was suggesting that she lower the fire as some of the meat might get burned. She refused. He pointed it out again after a few minutes. She was adamant. When she found him a bit insistent already, she said; “It won’t burn, dah-ling - It’s not fire! (she meant the stove in that part where the burning meat was, was not lighted)” Then she took off to attend to other things in the kitchen - but not before barking off her final order: "Leave it!". When she left, the husband and I immediately took things into our hands and so we saved dinner from turning into charcoal.

When she was coming back, I whispered to him that the boss was coming and he muttered back: “Yeah, she is always the boss around here.” – with a smile, of course. I found that sweet, again, as I could see he adores her – feistiness and all.

I am happy for this lady. She has worked hard to be where she is now. She may not personify the typical ‘successful’ person. But she is happily married. She found love again after her first marriage. Her daughter found a loving father in the current husband. She works and earns her own money, drives her own car to work and hosts BBQs whenever possible as her home is very nice and charming – perfect for entertaining.

She might not speak perfect English – more than a decade in England didn’t seem to help. She might just be an assistant at work. She must have worked hard when she was in the Middle East. I saw her photos when she was there – big hair and dark skin – so different from how she looks now – bob cut and fair skin. Life must be so hard as she hails from a poor Region in the Philippines. Her first marriage failed. Yes, she must have gone through a lot of hardships in life. But she is happy now. And I am happy for her.

I am happy for every kababayan who has made a good life in a foreign land. Even if they are far away from their loved ones and their own country, they know how to survive and thrive. I feel proud to see them realize their dreams while here. Tinay is made of stuff that makes it anywhere in the world - resilience, patience, industry, guts. There are lots of them like her here in England. I hope they will all have the same happy story as hers.

We went home that night at a little past ten. When she was seeing us off, she said to me; “You are my friend now, not your husband anymore.” It dawned on me that this is what makes her thrive among people more educated, more affluent than her – her natural openness and willingness to welcome anyone in her life, especially a kababayan who just arrived in a country she now calls her home. Even if we were chilled to the bone, I went home happy – warmed by the thought that I found my first friend here in England.

VIGNETTES (Life in the UK)

Settling Down

It’s been almost seven weeks since we (my kids and I) first arrived in England to join my hubby who’s been here for a year already. Time flies so fast, indeed. I can still vividly remember my harassed state when we were departing from the NAIA – I was forced to open our boxes and luggage to unload some of our stuff as we were grossly in excess of the limit! I was so devastated to have been forced to leave important stuff, despite the care I observed to bring only those extremely necessary. And so with sagging spirits, we departed. We were one of the last to board the plane because of the delay of opening and re-sealing our boxes.

Fast forward to today, 27th of July. We have settled in nicely and have met quite a few exceptional, friendly and supportive Filipinos in the area. The kids were able to attend at least a month of this year’s autumn term (which ended on July 20). We were able to attend a Baptist church already, albeit, once only. We now know where the supermarket, the town center and the airport are. In other words, we now have a working concept of our town’s lay-out. Most importantly, we have learned to live with the English weather.

They say we are lucky for having arrived during the warmer time of the year. But it is still very cold for my taste, especially the first month. I even saw my bunso’s lips turn blue right before my eyes due to the cold. I gave him a bath before going to school. As we only walk going there, and he did not have a bonnet on that chilly morning, his wet hair just made him feel so cold. Even with the heater on, I would wear layers and layers of clothing inside the house. Otherwise, I will not have any housework done.

Speaking of housework, I have a lion’s share of them. Naturally because I’m unemployed at the moment and there are no maids around. But now I know why women here manage to raise families and have careers on the side. Domestic work is quite easy with all the technology that they have. This has worked more to my advantage because I am used to the ‘manual’ way of doing things. Now that I have these gadgets, too, everything gets completed in a jiffy. This is the only time in my entire life that I find keeping the house enjoyable and not very tiring.

But the most important thing for me is now, we are all together again. The kids and I wait for their Papa to arrive from work in the early evenings and we all get to eat breakfast together on lazy weekend mornings… just like the old times. If I asses my present state – unemployed and totally dependent on my hubby (for the first time ever in our married life), no helper and can’t even go around the area because of the cold, I am still grateful. Because for a year, I experienced being far from my hubby and was alone raising the kids. It was tough, not to mention frustrating, as there are just some things mothers can’t do alone.

We dreamed of this as a family, prayed for it for countless times. And now, it’s happened. We have settled down to a pretty comfortable routine and we have seen the sun several times already. If you have lived with the temperamental English weather, you will understand why I find this so important to mention. It made me realize that the things we take for granted (like the sunny weather back home) are sometimes what others can only wish for.