Mother's Day in the UK

I was not feeling well yesterday enough to post this. So am posting it now, one day delayed.
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I had a very bad headache last night (March 1) when I went to bed - the kind that was throbbing and consistently painful. I was reluctant to lie down because I still wanted to do some reading. But the pain won as I succumbed to a deep and much-deserved sleep. For the first time in weeks, I had eight hours of blissful sleep.

Today is Mother’s Day here in the UK - March 2. I woke up from that heavenly rest to find a big, pink Mother’s Day card on my dresser. With my sons crawling into bed with us as I read the card, I can say – it was the perfect start to this special day. Except that the headache hasn’t completely gone and worse, there is general body malaise that I was starting to feel already.

That could not keep me from writing my posts, though. As I was pounding the keys writing the draft of this post, my son Elijah came up to me to kiss me with his chocolate-smudged lips. I was touched by the gesture, though I had to wipe away the chocolate on my cheeks later on. He is naturally a sweet, caring boy when he knows that his sweetness is needed and today, he knows Mama is not feeling very well.

He was at it again in the afternoon, while I was resting on the bed. He lied down next to me and asked me if my head still hurt. Then he offered to kiss it so that the pain will go away. What kind of heart will not melt from such warmth and sweetness?

Today is a special day for mothers but for me, having this angel and his brother makes everyday special. Oh, the joys and rewards of motherhood!

Your One Moment in Time

The past two posts delved into inspirational themes on motherhood and the immense responsibility of raising good kids. We have talked about love and affection and character building and now, I’d like to share my thoughts about a valuable commodity that is unfortunately in short supply in our busy, flurried existence. I am referring to T-I-M-E. This is the last installment in this trilogy of inspirational themes and then I will move on to more practical topics.

Time with your kids is one thing that should never be missing in your regular schedule. Of course, if you are a stay-at-home mom, you are always there inside the house and they always see you. Or, if you are working, you always go home at night, anyway. That does not count, however, if we are talking of time dedicated to bonding with and enjoying your kids.

Do not put off a few moments to talk, play or just hang out with your kids. Enjoy the “now” with your children and do not think that tomorrow is a better time. Even if you are only able to tuck them into bed every night because you are a busy executive or businesswoman, or only have dinnertime to sit down with them as you hold irregular working hours. What is important is they have your full attention when you are there.

Kids are especially perceptive. Even babies recognize stress and tension among adults - all the more little children who have grown too familiar with you. They will know if you are not totally focused on them and sometimes, they come to the wrong conclusion that they are not good enough for company, that they are boring you. Avoid such subtle messages that destroy their confidence and rob them of their joy of being in your company.

If you have not applied the phrase “seizing the moment” on rearing your kids, you have not actually tasted the benefits of motherhood. Enjoying, instead of fussing over your kids will rob you of the potential blessings of raising children.

Enjoy their laughter, the noise they make. It is indeed difficult to keep our cool when everything is going wrong and we hear crying, screaming and stuff crashing to the floor all at the same time. But think of this: do you prefer them not able to move at all, make any sound, or utter any word?

My point is, enjoy the moments you have with kids. There may be difficult days when everything is not going right and you feel impatient. Let those days be few and far between. Let there be more laughter and jokes and tickles and running around the house with them.

From the point of view of an adult, scenes like these are chaos. But in the eyes of a child, those are moments when he or she can completely relate to his or her mommy, when he or she can totally enjoy her company.

Seize the moment, enjoy your one moment in time to be able to start a deep and lasting friendship with your children. That moment is while they are young. Maximize those special moments you share with them, so that when you are not around, they will always look forward to seeing you again, and those special moments you give them will pull them through until they get to hug mommy again.

Mommy Potter

I am sure that only a few mothers realize that they are actually “potters” in their own right. It is their privilege to mold their children into upright, decent, adorable individuals who can touch lives and make a difference in this world. They have in their hands lumps of clay ready to be formed into the best individuals they can ever be.

The process of character building starts in the cradle – with you and the rest of the family as catalysts and moderators. Disciplining your children early on will drill into their minds the need to be responsible, to be accountable for their actions, to be a positive contribution to society.

When disciplining, it is important to be consistent and firm. The easiest way to destroy and confuse their sense of right and wrong is to be inconsistent. Telling them not to eat in front of the television yet doing it yourself will confuse them and will challenge their faith in you as an authority figure.

Modeling positive behavior and reinforcing this with faithful, righteous instruction should ensure that they grow up with the right values and attitudes. This implies that you will have to have the right values as well if you want to raise amazing kids.

They say that what other people know about you is your reputation. What is not readily visible to them is your character. Your character is something that defines your personhood – the sum total of your value system, priorities and aspirations regardless if others see this or not. Your character cannot be faked, especially before your own children. You will bear fruit according to your own kind.

Character is molded in privacy, starting in the home and in every interaction a child has outside it. Yet, it is an aspect of his life that shines through, especially in difficult or trying times. And this is where your years of hard work pay off – when your kids are able to weather the worst storms in their life. Their characters remain intact and true to the training you have given.

Of course, at the end of the day, when the children are grown and have their own minds, they will be responsible for their own actions. However, much of their actions will be determined by their own training as children.

Also, it is not being implied here that you have to be near-perfect to be able to raise good, upright, well-adjusted individuals. No one’s perfect, especially not mommies who bear heavy responsibilities and are constantly under a lot of stress. It is alright to fail sometimes, and to admit this to your kids. Apologizing or admitting your fault as a parent also has a way to prepare them for disappointments later on in life, and for them to get up after a fall and continue on, wiser than ever before.

S[mothering] Your Kids With Love and Affection

Children who grow up showered with love and affection become emotionally secure and loving individuals. All throughout their childhood, fill your children’s days with expressions of love and care, making them aware that they are important, valued, special.

Kiss your children while they are young – while their cheeks are silky soft and smooth and plump and creamy all at the same time. They do not stay that way for long. Hug them and love them to bits while they are still dependent on you. Smothering them with embraces and affectionate pecks is what mothering is all about. “Smothering” with hugs and kisses means lots and lots of mothering with the “s” misplaced, that’s all.

Physical manifestations of love and affection like hugging and kissing should be natural and common in your home. Lovers express their emotions this way, why not mothers towards their children and vice versa? At every opportunity, plant a kiss on those silky soft rounded cheeks or that cute little nose. Pat the head, run your fingers through the silky strands of your child’s hair. Nothing of these expressions of affection will ever be wasted as they become nourishment to their budding confidence as individuals.

Let your speech towards them be peppered with grace and kindness as well. Call them with terms of endearment and always encourage and appreciate them with words. Mean what you say.

When I say “show affection to your kids,” I mean now, today, right this very moment, and every opportunity that you get thereafter. They grow up so fast and before you know it, they are not kids anymore, and you might just miss those heavenly moments of enjoying them as children.

The world is getting more hostile and dangerous for our children but we all can still create a safe and loving environment for them by showering and surrounding them with love and affection both in word and deeds. They can go out to the world with confidence and assurance that they are valuable and special and only God knows how great a boost this is to their self esteem.

Toy-ing With the Idea of Smart Mommy-ing (Part I)

To take off from my last post on evolving into a blog that will tackle issues on parenthood and mommy-hood in particular, here is the first installment of a two-part article on making the right choices of toys for kids. Hope you will pick something wise from it:

Being mom is such a demanding role. If you want to play it satisfactorily, you have to have serious commitment to continue growing and learning from past mistakes. It requires you to consistently apply yourself to the task of nurturing, caring, guiding, and loving the whole family. Most essentially, you will have to be vigilant in protecting them and making sure that nothing or nobody harms them physically, spiritually and psychologically.

You might say, “Well, that’s a given and I surely will bust anybody’s butt who has the gall to hurt my baby.” Unfortunately, most moms maintain this protective stance in regards to people, mostly. They do not have the same vigilance when it comes to toys they allow their kids to have access to.

Yes, toys are important and they play an important role in a child’s development. Remember, though, that they did not come to be on their own – they were made by people, businessmen, to be exact, who are after profit only. Yes, they may employ the best designers and child psychologists to come up with these costly toys and gadgets. But there are some who want nothing but gain and go on to sell products that are unsafe, inappropriate or totally useless.

There are also clever businesses that use the best marketing strategies to sell their products, so much so that they are able to create a need for these products in the minds of their consumers. Of course, the parents will have to shell out the bucks to buy them.

Toys are indeed important, and this is the very reason why moms should be smart enough to determine which ones the kids should play with to ensure they are safe and they are actually benefiting (either physically, emotionally, or mentally) from all these playthings.

Mommies should be extremely discriminating and choosy when deciding which toys to buy their children, or allow them access to. Safety of the kids when playing with toys (i.e., will your three-year old not end up making dinner out of those small parts?) is the number one consideration. Make sure that they are non-toxic, they do not have small pieces attractive enough to swallow, and other similar factors.

Safety is not the only consideration, though. You should also look into the mental, physical, social or psychological benefits of the toys that you give the children. Go for age-appropriate ones that have educational value. Look for pieces that stimulate them to think critically and to be resourceful and creative. Or, choose toys that encourage them to be active while playing with it. Social growth is also important so go for toys that can be played by a group of children, instead of just one.

Go for toys that do not encourage violence or portray hurting others as a normal behavior or glorify characters that have evil characteristics. You might think that I am a killjoy since most kids have access to video games. You can still allow them video games but choose the right games. In the long run, when they are teen-agers, you will have lesser worries that they will get into fights or brawls since the behavior was not encouraged early on in their life.

Consider the price of a toy as well. Even if you are filthy rich, avoid splurging on toys that end up under utilized, anyway. Decision making in purchasing a toy should be made into an opportunity for you to teach them how to be money savvy (at least the older ones). It is wiser to deposit what little amount you were able to save on toys towards your child’s bank account.

Sometimes, busy moms and dads fall prey to guilt and buy the most expensive toys and gadgets to make up for the fact that they do not spend enough time with their children. The sad news is, if they pick the wrong kind of toy, or they give toys too often just to make up to their kids, they end up doubling their shortcomings to their children. Not spending enough quality time with your children is not a good sign in itself, “bribing” them with toys just to make it up is even worse.

Choices in toys and how often you buy them tell a lot about your parenting style. Be sure to send the correct messages to your kids. Even in such simple things, you can show them that you value them and that you are concerned how things like toys can affect them in the long run.

More on “smart mommy-ing” in the next post.

Critical Point

I have come to a critical point in my blogging life. I am at a crossroads. I want to make a difference in the blogging community, if not the world. But I am a nobody, I am only one, weak, basically jobless and still coping with the demands of settling and integrating in a foreign land.

I have made a serious re-thinking of the path I have taken in my blogging journey. I have decided to re-direct my blog’s theme to something more definite, more targeted, if you like. My blog started as a requirement that I had to have in order to complete one of my Masteral subjects. Since then, I managed to keep posting until today.

Then, in 2006, I got introduced to online writing, which led to my becoming more serious with the craft, which eventually showed in my blog’s evolution. Now, KeyPounder is mutating once more - for the better I hope, into something more focused and closer to my heart – the subject of motherhood.

I am doing this by launching a series of parenting posts. Motherhood is a wonderful calling, but not all mothers out there are making the most of it and I want to tell them otherwise. Moreover, I want to show them how. This is how I want to make a difference in the blogging community and hopefully, the world.

So now, I am putting in writing my thoughts and experiences in one of the most amazing journeys a woman can ever take – motherhood. I want to connect with all the mothers out there, especially those who have lost the magic of holding their baby for the first time and are now buried in an avalanche of house chores and breastfeeding and nappy changes.

Those are all part of the journey and without them we mothers will not grow and get anything from the experience. BUT we need not lose the joys, the magic of bringing into the world another life and rearing him or her up to be a responsible adult.

I am blessed with two healthy, beautiful sons, I have my ups and downs, too. I get mad, I get cranky during bad days. But at the end of the day, it is all about giving myself away to nurture and teach and care for two special individuals. And so I go on and try to be the best Mama in the world.

I hope and pray that anyone who gets to read this blog will be blessed, encouraged or given a fresh perspective on the fast vanishing and deteriorating vocation that is motherhood.

Home is where....

Cooking is therapeutic to me. Aside from the necessity of dishing out nutritious food for the family, I cook because it heals me from my sadness and anger, boredom and apathy.

I do not follow procedures when I cook. I do not and can not cook the same dish with exactly the same taste twice. Procedures and measurements constrict me and therefore, limit my chances of benefiting anything from the whole process that is cooking. Whatever ingredients are available, I can whip up something edible and good tasting (at least according to my kids and husband – most of the time) out of them, regardless if there has ever been anything like it attempted by anyone before.

Ingredients are the main secrets in my cooking. As long as I have them, I’d be fine. A dash of this, a few slices of that, and a whole bunch of something else – that’s how I measure them. So far, I have not received any objection to the results.

Back home, I knew where to get all the ingredients I would need for my culinary adventures. It was easy then. Now that I am in the UK, it’s a different matter. The ingredients I took for granted as always within reach are nowhere to be found here. I brought some stuff over from the Philippines like Ajinomoto Ginisa Flavor Mix, Maggi and Knorr cubes, dried tengang daga, dried banana blossom and dried saffron kasubha for my lugaw or porridge. Not much for the active cook that I consider myself to be.

The rest that I used to cook with so often are not available here. Bagoong – well, I was able to buy a bottle of the boneless kind in a Filipino barrio fiesta at Milton Keynes last August. I am trying to be as economical as I can with it because the next barrio fiesta will not happen again until next year. Sometimes, I feel so helpless not being able to find kangkong, saluyot, tilapia or even pancit canton and miki at the supermarket down the road.

If I sulk, however, my family will starve – my kids have not yet adopted the English palate that go for stuff like shepherd’s pie, fish ‘n chips or pizza for lunch – those are just for their snacks. Well, they now like chips and baked chicken for dinner, but only because the chips (we call them French fries back home) are sprinkled with a dash of Ajinomoto Ginisa flavor mix. They still go for rice and a fish/vegetable/meat dish.

Besides, I want to feed them with home-cooked meals - not take-out pizza, fish n’ chips or pasta. I want them to grow up smelling food cooking in the kitchen. I want to fill their childhood with memories of sit-down evening meals. Most importantly, I want them to grow up eating Filipino food – well, at least most of the time.

So, I decided to be flexible, creative and adaptable in my cooking. I have substituted most of the vegetables that I used to cook with before, with whatever is available at the supermarket. Spinach takes the place of kangkong in my sinigang, aubergine takes the place of eggplant (actually, I do not see any difference between the two except the name) and some white pasta sauce takes the place of Magnolia All Purpose Cream for my special Pinoy spaghetti.

Just today, I cooked dinengdeng with ingredients that have come from at least four different countries. The bagoong is from my country, the okra from Jordan, the string beans from Kenya, the mushroom and spinach (which takes the place of malunggay are UK-grown and the taro – only God and the supermarket operator know. Really, I saw the effect of the WTO right in my pot! I am thankful that these products have reached me from miles away.

Before we came over here, my husband warned me that my favorite vegetable, saluyot, is not available here. I was resigned to the fact that I will only be able to taste saluyot again when we can go home to the Philippines for a vacation. One time, however, he brought me to this Indian market place where I saw saluyot being sold. Imagine my joy! I also saw other familiar vegetables like ampalaya and upo! They were quite expensive but we bought some. I will have to go back for more later on.

There is also this small Pinoy Foods store at the town mall where I can find some products we all miss having like Lucky Me Pancit Canton, bihon, longganisa, tocino, Datu Puti condiments and even junk foods like Nova, Piattos and others. Of course, they are more expensive than their prices in the Philippines. But really, who can complain?

In short, I have embraced cooking in a foreign country with the same passion but with a few adjustments. I have accepted the limitations posed by being so far away from home. I also learned to appreciate whatever familiar ingredients I can find here. As a cook, this has made me grow more in my love for cooking and my focus as a cooking enthusiast. This has opened my eyes to the fact that nothing can stop me from doing what I love to do and from my mission to keep my family well-fed with nutritious, home-cooked and full-of-love cooking.

At the end of each day, when the sink is clean and the oven has cooled, I stand in my tiny kitchen and feel this pleasurable feeling come over me. Maybe it’s a feeling of contentment, sense of accomplishment or a combination of both – I don’t know. They say Home is where the heart is.” I say, Home is where I can cook with pleasure.