Copycats

As I am in the process of re-building my site (which I de-constructed following a hacking incident), I found this blog really helpful. To Jim the owner, thank you so much for your informative posts. Without your blog, I’d still be lost in the chaos and panic attacks that followed the hacking.

While in that site, I read about how the blog’s content was copied by some new blogger (who actually gave his being new as his excuse for plagiarism!) and what the owner did to stop that fake blogger from copying his content. Then, it hit me. What will I do if I get copied as well? Certainly, it will be another stressful experience in blogosphere for me.

When pop-ups started appearing in my site, complete with links to porn sites, I freaked out totally. I felt like I was violated, that my personal space was desecrated. What is most frustrating is, not knowing who did it and that unbearable feeling of helplessness – for how can I fight back at a perpetrator I know not? And, how much more if my content was actually copied? All these articles are mine and mine alone, written by me without references (except for only one post, if my memory serves me right – which was properly acknowledged, by the way). I hate to think of them stolen from me and openly displayed by a moron who cannot write his or her own posts.

One unforgettable experience I had about content copying was with this certain writing client of mine. Since we were only negotiating online, I did not fully understand what she wanted me to do with a particular article. I though the client wanted me to re-write a certain article in her website (not knowing that she actually needed an original article). So re-write I did.

After she received my output, she sent me an angry e-mail, accusing me of copying the article from different websites, complete with links to all these allegedly copied sites. Apparently, she ran the article on Copyscape and the check returned with various copied parts from different sources. That was so humiliating for me. Remember that I thought she wanted a re-write so that is what I did, but I am not in the habit of copying content en toto (as I believe I can write as well as other writers out there). Being accused of this is insult to the highest degree for me.

In the midst of the humiliation and anger at being unfairly labeled as a plagiarist, I tried to look for an explanation. I started checking those links that came with the angry email. Then I realized, perhaps, it was the client’s website that got copied by those fakes! You see, as I just re-wrote the article, I took a few parts from the original article from the client’s website (which could have been already copied by those sites). I saw nothing wrong with the article as it was well-constructed and well-written, actually so it was just a matter of writing from another perspective. So, these certain parts came back in the Copyscape check as copied.

In an attempt to clear my name (the client already reported to the site administrator where we “met” as writer-client that I copied content), I emailed the client telling her that perhaps, it is her website that was copied and not I who copied from those sites. She double-checked and then ended up apologizing to me. She could not believe that I was still civil with her after those accusations.

What I cannot comprehend until now is that, how come this client of mine never realized that it was her own content that was copied? It's either she did not recognize it as she also hired another writer to do the original article which I re-wrote, or that it is just her nature to jump at the first person she can accuse of some wrongdoing even before any verification. It can also be that (which is the worst scenario), she is the one who copied from those articles. I never made time to find out, really.

I can say that I grew up and matured as an online writer after that – as it can only be considered nothing short of a baptism of fire. Having maintained honesty and integrity in my writing, that accusation of being a plagiarist was way too low for me. That is why I cannot understand some people who steal other people’s work and post them openly as their own, as if they do not know that they will get caught somehow. These people are shameless, really – blatantly displaying their skills in stealing.

I am writing this as a reminder to all fellow legitimate bloggers to vigilantly check for anyone stealing your content, and also a stern warning for those of you who know nothing better than stealing other people’s ideas and intellectual properties. Make blogosphere a better place – write your own posts!

Which Part of "No" Don't You Understand?

Saying “no” to our kids is sometimes very difficult, but do you know that we will do more harm than good to a child in the long run if he grows up never ever learning to accept “no” for an answer. Yes, and in so much profound ways than we can ever imagine.

I think that this particular topic is not given the attention it deserves. This, however, does not diminish its importance in raising well-adjusted kids. Sensible moms should take more notice of its immense effect on kids’ growth and development, and in maintaining peace and harmony in the family not only now but in the long run as well.

Why we should say “no” to kids sometimes

“No” is as much a part of character development as anything else. It is part of guiding kids where to go, how to act, when to do things and so forth. They do not always get things right the first time and being told “no” helps them form correct convictions. A little boy wanting to touch a lighted candle should be told “no” so that he will know that it’s gonna hurt bad if he did so.

Another reason is, in real life, they will get the same answer most of the time, anyway. They might as well get used to it so that they will be well-adjusted to the harsh realities of life later on. They will be able to adjust to rejection and to disappointments. They will also have a working knowledge of the fact that things do not always go as they wish. Giving in to every request, every whim, every want is damaging to a child because he grows up with a warped concept of life. He should not grow up thinking that the world owes it to him to cater to his desire.

“No” develops patience, because it teaches a child to wait for the best time to have what he wants, in case it is not yet possible to have it at the moment. A conditional “no” should be clearly differentiated form an absolute “no”. A conditional “no” might mean the timing is not right, or there are conditions that must be met before he gets what he wants. For example, a much-coveted toy (which usually means expensive), should wait until Christmas or his birthday. For the meantime, it has to be a “no”, and this trains him to be more patient.

“No” can also mean “I love you”. It does not mean that we love our kids less if we do not give in to everything they want. On the contrary, it is sometimes the best way to show our love and concern for their welfare and their character development, regardless if they know this or not.

They themselves will learn to say “no” when it is appropriate to do so. Believe me, this alone is enough reason to practice saying this magic word to your kids as appropriate. Peer pressure nowadays to conform is doing unimaginable damage to kids who are not strong enough to say “no”. This is something we parents should teach them.

More lessons about “No”

When we say “no”, we better mean it. Budging for just a little bit is courting trouble because the next time we say that dreaded word, they will think that they can bend our will just a little bit more to their liking. Before we know it, we have raised kids who can bully us or emotionally manipulate us. I have heard once that the best way to destroy a child is through inconsistency.

When we say “no”, there should be no threat attached to it. This is totally manipulative, and it also leaves us manipulated and vulnerable in case they decide to get back at us if we fail to carry out our threat. “You cannot watch TV beyond 9:00 pm or else, you won’t have any TV for the rest of the week” is not only a bad threat – it is also totally impossible. We all know that when the anger subsides, kids always get their TV time. “No TV beyond 9:00 pm so that you get more rest for tomorrow’s busy schedule” sounds better and more real.

I know of this spineless mom who always backtracks on her rules and even threatens her son if he does not obey. Then, she would buy every toy the boy wants but not before making the boy promise that he will be more obedient. I saw her up close and personal and observed her as she struggled every single day – never did her son obey her, even with all the “bribes” that he received from her and every threat imaginable. It is just pathetic to hear her complain that the boy does not obey her at all while he does not have any obedience problem with his dad. What is interesting is I have heard the boy yell these words at her more than once: “You are so bad, I don’t like you.” She gives everything he wants but still… I pity her.

Obedience is never conditional. It is something that is developed over the years but never with bribes of toys, threats and promises of rewards. It is developed by forming the character with clear rules and personal example. Speaking of rules, they include a lot of our magic word – “No”.

Of course, when we say “no”, we should be inventive enough to make it sound easier to obey, or simply more understandable to kids, depending on their age and level of maturity. With smaller kids, it takes a lot of explaining sometimes, and tons of persistence and consistency to mold them into obedient kids. For the bigger ones, granting that they started early on in this training, should not be very difficult to handle.

So, let’s not be afraid to say no. Let us work at strengthening our resolve when it is crucially needed. A deluge of persuasive tactics ensues after each “no” but we should remain firm for our kids’ own sake.

Hey, I am not saying that I have achieved perfection in this area. Actually, I was able to write this because of the numerous mistakes I committed (with still a lot more in the future, i suppose) regarding this very thing. So, it is safe to say that if you learned a thing or two from this post, you learned something from somebody else’s mistakes – mine.

Til next post, moms!

Hubby

Upon reading my post on Mother’s Day, my hubby sheepishly asked me why he didn’t get mentioned at all. That was partly intentional and also an oversight. I have been wanting to write a piece about him even prior to the Mother’s Day post, but just didn’t get to doing it. That is why when I wrote that post, at the back of my mind, I was thinking of devoting a whole piece on him so it was ok not to mention him there. I think the reason also was timing. But now is the perfect time for it.

This recent problem with my elbow made me appreciate my husband in more profound ways than I am capable of explaining. Not being able to move my whole right arm (including the fingers) made me practically useless around the house. In fact, I was even dependent on him for tying my hair in a ponytail or scratching that difficult-to-reach spot on my back. He patiently massaged my arms every night and diligently prepared a concoction of heated ginger and baby oil to apply on my elbow before bedtime (it worked, actually). For a fiercely independent person, these things are way too much for others to do for me, but somehow, with my hubby, it felt comfortable.

In the afternoon, he would rush home from work and will do all the dishes used for the whole day. Then, he will prepare all the ingredients for the evening meal and hover over me as I cook with my good left arm. Within the course of my illness, he vacuumed the whole house and cleaned the bathroom. It is a blessing that the kids are on half-term break so it was not that difficult for me after he leaves for work - taking the kids to school, fetching them and all that. The real blessing, though, is having him in my life as I think most men would not be as caring and supportive.

I can expound on the brilliance of God’s wisdom for putting man and woman together in marriage to support and love each other in sickness and in health, but I will not. I can also launch into a persuasive monologue about my excellent choice of a lifetime partner, but I should not. I can tell you, though, about how blessed I am for having found the man whom I can count on to be there whatever happens. How lucky can a momma get?

One-armed Momma

This is one of the most difficult times of my blogging life. You see, I have a problem with my right elbow at the moment – it is way too painful for me to be using it. It’s been like this for four days now – I’ve been the one-armed Momma of the house all those days. The pain goes all the way to the hand and fingers that’s why I am typing this post with just my left hand. It helps that I am a lefty so I can still do it fast enough.

However, it frustrates me no end that I have all the time to update my blog but unable to do so because of this pain. I am taking medication now so I hope it will get better by tomorrow, but then, by the time it gets completely healed (God willing), I’ll be starting on my part time job already. Will the frustration ever end?

Oh well, I hope blogging will not get relegated to a lower position in my priority list when I get to start work as I really love doing this.

Please bear with. See you next post!

Prospective Cyber Millionaire's Mishaps

I don’t know about you, guys but I sure have a hilarious time trying to find ways to earn extra money in blogging. It was totally an alien concept to me, prior to the latter part of last year. I envy people who post about their monthly target and actual earnings. For sure, I would get all members of the blogging community rolling on the floor with laughter if I post mine – or ignite their sympathetic tendencies, whatever.

It does not help that I am totally ignorant about page ranks (gosh! – for the longest time, I could not even figure out where to check my own rank!). And when I did find out how, I was not encouraged a bit by what the stats have to say regarding my site’s popularity (sigh!) or lack thereof.

Anyway, one funny (but absolutely puzzling) experience was my Adsense Google earnings. I have had the ads on my site for months now. In late February, I checked my account and I was over the moon to find that I got $.40 in total earnings! Imagine my joy in seeing that there is indeed a possibility to earn there. The ads were actually installed in my web by my friend – as again, yours truly was ignorant about these things back then (well, until now).

The following day after I saw my fantastic Adsense earnings, I checked my account again to prove that I was not dreaming. Lo and behold! My $.40 was gone. I wanted to believe that I was wrong to presume that Google charges me that much to check my account everytime I fancy doing so. But how else will I explain it?

Maybe, as some bloggers suggest, they removed it because I violated their rules. One thing I can think of is that, I didn’t have a disclosure policy back then. Again, I did not know what this policy was all about – remember, I am clueless to the highest degree. So, I tried to research and finally got to coming up with my own version based on the template that is available online. Unfortunately, I deleted that temporarily when I got hacked last week – but I am getting ahead of myself.

Then, I saw ads and widgets of PayPerPost in other blogs. As a web content writer and eBook ghostwriter, PPP is a very attractive proposition for me. I get to do what I love most – writing, and I get paid. Again, I fell face down on the mud of failure when I got rejected. They said that I should meet the 20-posts-for-the-last-90-days requirement. They were being nice. They actually meant that I am a lazy blogger who cannot manage to make a decent post at least three times a week.

Next attempt was BuyBlogReviews. That one got me pretty excited because I was immediately approved. When I looked at the opportunities, though, no one would want to take a bidder with a page rank of 1,100,000+++++!

So, I turned to surveys and pay per view schemes. I thought Hit$4Pay is the one for me! They were pretty easy and enticing because of the sign up bonus. Unfortunately, after less than a week in the business, I got all these nasty pop-ups and unauthorized links. Deleting all the widgets, including those belonging to Hit$4Pay removed all these nasty hacker’s tricks. I am not blaming anyone of my legitimate widgets for the hacking, but somehow, that experience just scared the wits out of me and so I decided to opt out of Hit$4Pay. So far, I haven’t re-installed my PPP and BuyBlogReviews widgets either.

I got approved by Smorty as well, but before I could explore my opportunities further,the hacking happened which was followed by my de-constructing the page. So far, I am concentrating on guest blogging and writing articles for article directories. At least I can still write.

These experiences opened my eyes to the harsh realities in the blogosphere. It is a place where the dynamics of early human communities are at play – might makes right, survival of the fittest and whatever! It is a competitive world out there and while all the people blogging their lives away are so nice and supportive, the fact still remains that one has to prove his worth in order to survive.

Whatever, at least, I am learning new things and I am realizing more and more that I still prefer to write and interact with other people more than anything – yes, more than those few bucks I wanted to earn initially. It was a harsh reality check, but one that made my love and passion for communicating and writing stand out more than ever.

Happy blogging, everyone!

A Quest to be a Learning Savvy Parent

It’s interesting how siblings can have totally different personalities. This is the case with my two boys. The older one is an outgoing person who loves to hang out with friends. My younger son enjoys himself more as he draws and doodles endlessly, is less of a TV person than his brother and has a totally different sense of humor.

When it comes to learning styles, they can not be more different. The younger one is definitely a visual learner, while the older one is quick to pick up even mere concepts. Sometimes, it is a struggle for us to explain something to him unless it is properly and clearly illustrated. Most of these instances have us ending up laughing at the comical scene we make: the rest of the family struggling to make him understand something and him blowing his top over the fact that we are unable to make him understand.

Moreover, these instances opened my eyes to our need to understand a lot of concepts regarding educating children. My husband and I haven’t had any formal training in education or teaching as most parents are. This should not stop us all, however, from trying to gain a little more knowledge about how children react to learning, how they acquire information and what their unique learning styles are.

If parents are aware of their kids’ unique intellectual and learning abilities, they can better support them in school and can come up with strategic and inventive ways to enhance the learning process. This way, learning is facilitated and retention of information is enhanced, not to mention, school becoming more fun.

Concepts like multiple intelligences should at least interest us a bit, as they impact directly on our kids’ chances at success in their education journey. Multiple intelligences, a concept conceived by Howard Gardner, is a list of seven different ways by which people express their intellectual abilities. The seven multiple intelligences are: Linguistic, Logical-mathematical, Musical, Bodily-kinesthetic, Spatial, Inter-personal and Intra-personal. For a description of each of these intelligences, you may want to visit: http://www.infed.org/thinkers/gardner.htm

As moms, it is important for us to take note of how our kids respond to the learning process, and try our best to suit their learning abilities with how we motivate them to learn and how we support them in their school work. If we know for sure that a child has strong musical intelligence, we should support him and give him all the opportunities to grow in that direction. Music, audio tapes or audio books should be great materials for them to learn from.

It is also noteworthy that most people are good at more than one type of intelligence. For example, some children score high in both linguistic and logical-mathematical intelligences. This gives parents more options in developing kids’ potentials. We should do our best to motivate our kids to discover their strengths and support them to develop those.

It is likewise important to be on the look-out for some difficulty in coping with their lessons simply because their school has a limited approach to instructional styles. Traditional schools focus on the linguistic and logical-mathematical intelligences, without realizing that some kids may not necessarily be responsive to such styles. Sure, today’s educators are aware or even trained on modern educational concepts and theories like multiple intelligences, but there is a world of difference between knowledge and what is actually being implemented at the classroom level. It is at this crucial point where we, parents, can make a tremendous impact on our kids’ learning journey.

Recently, I was told by my younger son’s teacher that he is quiet and shy in class, but that is how he really is – he can be noisy at times, but he is generally quiet and keeps to himself as he immerses in drawing, doodling and working on weird crafts. I informed the teacher that perhaps, another reason why he is quiet in class is the possibility that he might not totally understand the lessons - which brought me to my point that my son is a visual learner, and at times, he needs illustrations for him to grasp some ideas or concepts. Thankfully, the teacher was receptive and promised to keep that in mind in the future.

We only have a limited window of opportunity to maximize our influence on our kids’ learning journeys. Let us maximize that by being more informed and enlightened about these educational concepts.

Pinay Momma

Let me share a bit more about myself through the article below. Being a Filipina, Hot Momma submitted an entry to the WikiPilipinas Filipina Writing Contest. Though Hot Momma is basically a mommy blog, this article has to see print here even if it does not necessarily discuss mommy stuff. You see, it is part of the requirements for me to qualify - to publish my own article in my own blog (my only blog, by the way).

For all Pinay bloggers out there, you may still want to beat the deadline of March 16, 2008 to submit your own entry. Check out the details here, where you may also find this same article and all the other entries. It would be nice to get to know more about how we can help improve the image of the Filipina online by clicking this site: http://filipinaimages.com/

Alternatively, you may also click this: http://www.wikipilipinas.org/

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Pinay Bloggers: Showcasing the Best of Today’s Filipina

As a blogger, I get to learn a lot of things, information and amazing individuals in the blogging community. Most of the sites I frequent are owned by women. I cannot fully comprehend the enormous amount of talents these women have – from photography to writing, from spotting the best deals in groceries and online stores to raising kids. It is indeed amazing how girl power rocks the blogosphere.

One pleasant surprise that I stumbled upon is the fact that a considerable percentage of these talented women who bare their lives and souls and give their two cents’ worth online are Filipinas. And as Filipinos go, these women are located all over the world. You can find them in every continent and in almost every category of blogs – Lifestyle, Parenting, Shopping, anything.

If their blogging lives are to be indicators, they seem to be living their lives to the fullest, enjoying their families, earning serious money, conquering the world and boy, are they all proud to be Pinays. They sport widgets depicting the Philippine flag in their interface, they declare it in their personal profiles and they include “Filipino/Filipina” or “Pinoy” as topic categories.

Their sites are neat, clean, well-presented – much like the homes we have in the Philippines. Their blogs are family-friendly and screaming of the decency and conservative nature Pinays are known for. But that does not mean they aren’t updated. Their blogs sport bling-blings and they showcase technical skills in managing their sites like tweaking them to suit their personalities. They discuss about sensible topics as well as personal subjects like their families, favorite cuisine or careers. They are politically aware – some of them even displaying badges to show their support for some cause or their disgust for some politician.

The blogger image of the modern Pinay is one to be admired, and should be an accurate indicator of where the modern Filipina is. They write well as most of them have a good command of the English language. These Pinays who live virtual lives which are not so far from their real ones are well-educated, well-informed and well-bred in the way they carry themselves as netizens. This is evident in the topics they discuss and in the way they project themselves as responsible members of the blogging community.

They are brave to speak their minds, proud to bare their true selves and sexuality and do not hesitate to challenge anything that they think is worth their time fighting for or commenting on. They support worthy causes and extend their helping hand to any blogger they think needing their help. They promote knowledge and information sharing with their innate love for “huntahan”, only this time, they do it online.

Harnessing the dynamic presence of these women in cyberspace to present a solid, positive image of Filipinas for all the world to see is a big step towards gaining more respect for the Philippines. For all the trouble that the country is going through, having these online emissaries is like lighting a candle in the dark. We have them as examples of what the Philippines has to offer.

Pinay bloggers are the perfect image carriers of the modern Filipina. Whether they are career women in the Philippines or stay-at-home moms in the US or Australia or even Overseas Filipino Workers in Europe, these Filipinas epitomize the modern woman we all would want the world to know: the ever sweet, ever sensible Pinay of the modern era – always worthy of respect, always proud of her race.

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If you want to learn more about WikiPilipinas and the wonderful things happening there, check this out: http://en.wikipilipinas.org/index.php?title=WikiPilipinas:About

Well-Deserved Thanks

I am deeply indebted to two wonderful fellow bloggers who walked me through the process of removing the pop-ups. I literally had to demolish my page just to be able to remove whatever is causing those nasty, unauthorized pop-ups and links.

My long-time friend Mina of 24-Hour Paradigm Shift patiently stayed with me online and tried to trace the culprit. When she had to go to work, I got in touch with a new-found blogger friend, JeanGrey of Letters from the Soul, who finally walked me through the process of taking away all the page elements and somehow, at one point in time, the pop-ups went away!

Thank you so much, girls for being so kind and patient with me. I really owe you a lot. Now, JeanGrey, let me write that other post I owe you - lol!

Under Renovation

This site looks like a big mess and I am still trying to work on it. I have had some unauthorized pop ups and I had to demolish the site, so to speak.

Please bear with me.

Thank you!

Hacked

I do not know how to react to this latest development. I am very disappointed and disturbed as it seems like my blog has been hacked, as pointed out by Jojo, one of my visitors. Pop-ups have been appearing everywhere and now, I jsut discovered that my text has unauthorized links to advertisers' sites. This is totally disgusting and annoying. Again, it is my first time to be face to face with hackers and it is an ugly feeling.

If any kind blogger is reading this who knows how to get rid of these unauthorized links, kindly tell me how to do it as I have lost all inspiration to continue with blogging.

Thank you.

Another First

I have just mutated from a blogging enthusiast to a totally and hopelessly addicted member of the blogging community. Yes, I have started blog guesting! I intend to write for other bloggers for as long as someone wants me to (Attention anyone who is looking for a guest blogger – lol!).

My sincerest thanks to Letters From the Soul for accommodating me as a guest in her wonderfully interesting blog. It is my first time and I am totally over the moon to appear in somebody else’s page. For those of you who want to be featured in this great site, do pay it a visit for the mechanics. You will find it worth the effort because you will even earn 300 EC points - now, how is that for a real steal?

I wrote the post: Communication Without the Body Language (Is it Easier to Relate in the Blogosphere?). It is my way of paying tribute to the amazing population of bloggers who somewhat made my life a little happier and more exciting since I took this hobby seriously.

Anyone interested to read it? Click here, please.

Lucky Me!

Right after receiving 100 EC credits from Dance of Motherhood, I was surprised to find an email from EC support informing me that I was given another 10 credits from Healthy Cooking Recipes. Oh, boy! EC bloggers are being fantastically generous to me. I can't believe my luck.

If you are wondering why I merited these credits, I joined their promo on Photo Caption Writing. I didn't win the Grand Prize of 100 EC points - that would be making my day unbelievably lucky getting 200 points in a single day. My entry was "Drowning in Broccoli Bliss".

Hmmm, I am getting seriously addicted with EntreCard dropping and blog hopping.

De-clutter With Your Tidying-up Army

I discovered a great TV show here in the UK for moms and homemakers called “Houses Behaving Badly”. It is hosted by a gentleman and a pretty lady. Viewers nominate houses that are seriously cluttered and dirty, which the hosts visit to tidy up and fix (at least the minor problems). The intention is to help the homeowners start on a clean slate, so to speak, but they have the responsibility to maintain the tidiness.

My initial reaction to the title of the show is that the houses are unfairly blamed for being cluttered and untidy, when in fact, the homeowners should be considered the guilty party. The houses are just the shells within which the inhabitants create their own space, defining it with their own tastes and preferences – including their tidiness or their total lack of it.

While the hosts and their crew are at work, the lady of the house is sent away to someplace they have always wanted to visit. Aren’t they too lucky? They receive spring cleaning services for free and get to have the day to themselves as well. On the other hand, I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes, as their problems with tidiness and cleanliness get viewed and scrutinized by the viewing public – and I can tell you that theirs are really serious problems. I personally would not want others to see how poorly I perform in the tidying department.

Tidiness should be the general theme of any home – whether it be a palatial structure or a simple abode. Generally, with kids around, this is quite a tall order. But on the brighter side, kids are extra hands to keep the place tidy – given that they are properly trained. Therefore, it is important to train them as early as possible to appreciate tidiness and cleanliness around the house and to help maintain it that way.

If they grow up in an organized and generally clutter-free home, they will take it as the normal state of things, and will eventually practice it for as long as they live. If they are enlisted in the tidying army at an early age, being organized becomes a habit and they will naturally be more responsible for the whole house and their own respective space.

De-clutter you home – Tips

Here are a few tips on how you can work with your children to maintain a clutter-free home:

1. Organize. Put things in storage boxes that are properly labeled and regularly checked for any misplaced objects. Shoes and books should have their own places and toys properly sorted according to their owners.

2. Enlist the kids. The children should be properly oriented about your expectations from them in this department. Lay down the ground rules so that there will be no misunderstandings. Show them where to put away things, including their trash or rubbish. If possible, post reminders or labels for their benefit, which you can eventually take away once they know their own tidying responsibilities.

3. Reward system. Launch a reward system where you recognize the week’s tidiest room or space and the most responsible member of the tidying army. Regularly check their own cupboards/cabinets, books, beds, toys or rooms to arrive at the most deserving awardee/s. Putting up a reward system gives them the message that this is a serious matter. Of course, you make it more exciting this way, too.

4. Avoid hoarding. Hoarding is a serious problem of many wealthy nations. I can say that it is a side-effect of retail therapy. People buy things they don’t need. As much as possible, avoid holding on to things you no longer need. Kids grow up fast and they outgrow a lot of things – from toys to books to clothes and shoes. Keep those that can be hand-me-downs but donate to charity or give away those that no one needs anymore. Reserve those precious storage spaces for the essentials. If you are up to organizing a garage sale, you can also make extra profit out of the items that you do not need any longer.

5. De-clutter regularly. Keep your tidying account short. Before bedtime, do a five-minute tidying up session, assigning each kid his or her own space to de-clutter. During weekends or whenever they are in the house for the whole day, do quick de-cluttering sessions at least three times each day.

If you follow these simple tips you will learn that maintaining a tidy, organized and sane living space with kids is indeed possible.

De-clutter your home – Advantages

Avoid accidents. A lot of accidents that happen in the house can be prevented if everything is tidy and organized. If you have very little children, the older kids should be taught to keep away small toys from them like marbles, or Lego pieces. A misplaced toy car on the stairs is a big disaster just waiting to happen. And what about those spills and trips caused by ropes or clothes on the floor? Anticipate problems like these and prevent them from happening.

Avoid stress. Every weekday morning, madness is not uncommon in homes where kids are preparing to go to school. Avoid hearing complaints about missing socks or shoes by teaching the kids where to keep them or find them. A lot of the stress generated within that short span of time when the kids are getting ready for school will be avoided if your house is organized and clutter-free. This applies also when the whole family is getting ready for church, for a trip or for whatever event that requires everyone to be dressed to go out.

Avoid health problems. A dirty house is a breeding ground for all sorts of molds, fungi and bacteria. A clean house is a healthy space, both for the body and the mind. Chose which one you want, what kind of place you want your family to go home to at the end of each day.

First Free EC Points!

I got a very pleasant surprise this morning. I was given free 100 EC points by this cool blogger. I stumbled upon her site yesterday and for fun, decided to join her promo. I did not expect her to keep her promise – now I know better. Maybe I should take these promos more seriously… It is my first time to ever be given EC points and I am totally thrilled! Thanks! Dance of Motherhood!

Mentor vs. Torment

I am currently training as a volunteer mentor for a specific group of people who need this kind of help. They are teaching us that mentoring is very different from counseling or giving advice. Even if the client asks me for advice, I cannot give it. For one, I am not qualified to do so, especially if it has something to do with their health. Secondly, giving advice, according to our trainors/teachers, is creating dependency, which is the last thing we want to do while helping people rebuild their lives.

Imagine, I can’t give advice to my prospective mentees even if they need it or they beg for it – only to guide them to make their own choices and decisions. As a mother and a domineering person (I have strong tendencies), this is the most challenging part of my volunteer work. Not only will I be learning to deal with different kinds of people (which a writer like me is not that used to anymore), I will also have to train and restrain myself from giving advice.

And then it struck me – will this work with my kids? If I will be able to master the art of mentoring (which means I can guide and motivate but not dictate), will I stand a better chance at maintaining a friendly relationship with my sons, especially during their teens? This has kept me thinking, really.

Until today, my husband and I still make most of the decisions for our sons. Of course, I know that we will soon cease to be almighty dad and mom because they will eventually live their own lives. Mothers out there, am I making sense? Or am I making it too obvious already that I can’t imagine myself a teen-ager’s mom?

I even have this dreadful image in my mind that if I choose to take on this parenting style, I might be very good at being a mentor but will be in continuous torment for not being able to decide for my kids at all. It is difficult to be a control freak and be a mom at the same time, isn’t it?

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Mother's Day in the UK

I was not feeling well yesterday enough to post this. So am posting it now, one day delayed.
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I had a very bad headache last night (March 1) when I went to bed - the kind that was throbbing and consistently painful. I was reluctant to lie down because I still wanted to do some reading. But the pain won as I succumbed to a deep and much-deserved sleep. For the first time in weeks, I had eight hours of blissful sleep.

Today is Mother’s Day here in the UK - March 2. I woke up from that heavenly rest to find a big, pink Mother’s Day card on my dresser. With my sons crawling into bed with us as I read the card, I can say – it was the perfect start to this special day. Except that the headache hasn’t completely gone and worse, there is general body malaise that I was starting to feel already.

That could not keep me from writing my posts, though. As I was pounding the keys writing the draft of this post, my son Elijah came up to me to kiss me with his chocolate-smudged lips. I was touched by the gesture, though I had to wipe away the chocolate on my cheeks later on. He is naturally a sweet, caring boy when he knows that his sweetness is needed and today, he knows Mama is not feeling very well.

He was at it again in the afternoon, while I was resting on the bed. He lied down next to me and asked me if my head still hurt. Then he offered to kiss it so that the pain will go away. What kind of heart will not melt from such warmth and sweetness?

Today is a special day for mothers but for me, having this angel and his brother makes everyday special. Oh, the joys and rewards of motherhood!

Bond. Mommy Bond.

Part II of two parts

I talked about the importance of spending time with the kids to solidify our relationship with them. What kinds of activities should we do with them? I would say anything that is wholesome, healthy and fun!

An activity that we do with the kids provides structure to the bonding time. It enhances the value of those moments, because the fun that the kids derive from it becomes a memory peg for them – so that they will not forget how special those moments were.

So, we should select our bonding activities with care. I suggest that you do not go for run-of-the-mill activities that cost too much but do not give much in terms of value to your relationship. For example, shopping may be a fun activity for most of us, but for kids, I do not think of it as something great to do. We might just be raising potential shopaholics! Of course, we can go out and buy some stuff for them and with them, but it should not be counted as a bonding time.

If you have kids belonging to different age brackets (like me, I have a 12-year old and a 7-year old), come up with activities that they will all enjoy. Aside from the age, consider their interests and personalities. If you cannot think of anything that is mutually appreciated, try spending moments with each of them occasionally.

I remember our pastor who has a scheme to focus on each child. He goes out with each of his four kids for dinner once a month. His kids get to choose the eating place but it should start with the same letter as their names. Over dinner, he talks to each of them, ask them how they are and discuss things that concern them the most. Nice idea, right?

Anyway, going back to activities, I have here a very short list (compared to what activities are available out there), just to get your mind working. I put so much value on the benefits kids will get out of them and their value in terms of developing them mentally, socially or emotionally. Of course, one major consideration is for all of you to get to know one another a lot better. These are not like profound ideas – just things with same old “common sense” wise mothers should normally have.

Attending classes together. My older son has a knack for languages. His learning style is that he grasps concepts easily. He easily learns a language based on the conversations he hears – the tone of the voice, the context of the conversation, etc. So, I have this as one of our future activities, since I want to learn French and he likes it too in school. Learning the same language together gives us each other to practice with and the fun of being at the same level as him on a certain subject matter is an added bonus. Can’t wait to enroll, really.

Sports. If you are the outdoor type of person (which I am not), it is nice to join your kids in the sports that they like. You may not necessarily have to play, but just be there to cheer them as they sweat it out. You can point out ways to improve their game as well, in a non-intrusive manner, of course because chances are, they listen to their coach only. But if they can see that you genuinely like them to excel, they will be more open to suggestions.

Scrapbooking. This is just an example. You can take on any hobby you like that the kids will equally enjoy. Having a scrapbook as a memento of their childhood would just be awesome! At the moment, we gasp and rant whenever we see handprints or doodles on the wall. Why not have them “dirty” the pages of your scrapbook, instead?

Visit museums or equally-educational places. Instead of spending money on a movie in the movie house, why not open their eyes to the wonderful world of culture, art, history and the humanities? Make these visits interesting by researching about the place you are going ahead of the visit. Point out to them something interesting you learned about the place even before you arrive there, just to make them curious. At first, the idea is not exciting enough for little children. But if they grow up seeing these things, it will grow on them. Then, make the trip more exciting by dropping by a favorite place to eat.

Of course, you all can add a lot more to these activities. I just posted them here to give you an idea of what I mean by fun, wholesome and healthy activities.

Bond. Mommy Bond.

Part I of two parts

Last weekend, my older son, Jonathan, requested me to help him input his user password in our computer. We all share one unit – my husband and I plus the kids. When he was done inputting his password, he was so ecstatic and he said: “Yes! I have a secret and I’m not gonna tell Momma.” I was half-amused and half-wistful. Time flies so fast!

He is turning 12 years old this year. Where have all those years gone? Now, he already has a secret from me he is determined to keep. He is actually beginning to assert his independence already. And while I have always wanted to see them grow up and have my life back again, now I am actually pensive and somewhat reluctant to let go.

Defying time and the normal progression of life is not an option for me, nor for any mother, for that matter. One day, our kids will grow up and leave us. While we are ranting and yelling and screaming our lungs out at the naughty, noisy pack of kids we have in the house right now, they are busily growing up and one day, it will all be quiet in the house again. Hopefully, by then, I would not have one, single regret for not spending enough time with them.

This post’s topic is bonding and spending as much time as possible with our children. I am not just concerned about the quantity of time that we spend with them, but more especially, the quality. The focus of bonding with kids is to enhance our relationship with them and vice-versa – to learn more about them by observing them, talking to them and simply enjoying special moments with them. They are continually developing mentally and psychologically and the changes that accompany this process are not necessarily apparent.

Bonding moments are our opportunity to closely observe them if only for the sheer joy of watching them change and grow. But finding time, much less making time to bond with our kids, is quite difficult with our busy schedules. My simple solution to that is to treat bonding time like it was an ordinary appointment. Meaning, it should be entered into our calendars and respected as a legitimate appointment.

If the kids see that mommy has scheduled an afternoon of biking with them in the park or a visit to the local mall for some ice cream and games at the arcade, they will feel special. During the bonding time, they tend to be more attentive to you and participative as well, knowing that it is a special time set apart just for them.

It is always nice and refreshing to be re-energized by the enthusiasm and exuberance our little angels show us when we make time to spend with them – just them.

Next post, some practical activities we can do during bonding moments.