Me and My Parenting Style

I joined the Pinoy Parenting Blog Carnival 6th Edition!

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The other night, I flew into a tirade over my older boy’s disrespectful attitude towards me. Yes, keeping it real is what HotMomma wants so I’m gonna ‘fess up. I will not go into details but suffice it to say that I was outraged at the way he acted towards his younger brother and then towards me. I found myself crying and screaming because of frustration. I could not accept that even after trying really hard to raise him to be polite, respectful and kind, he seems to be turning out the wrong way.

Then I went into a monologue about what I have given up to bring them to the UK to secure a better future for them. Of course, I gave up my career and the comfortable existence I could otherwise have in the Philippines with maids to do everything – unlike here in a foreign land where I ended up being their nanny and maid and tutor rolled into one. I found myself admitting that I am not really happy here because I want to do more things than what I am doing now (i.e. work full time and earn my own money again). I could not stop from crying until I just fell asleep on the sofa where my hubby found me at 4:00 am the next day.

Look, I must also clarify that this does not happen very often. That is why everyone was caught off guard, myself included. I did not enjoy it one bit but I must say I feel lighter from the heart that I did that. To give where credit is due, my son was and still is apologetic. I’m sure he will never forget to be polite towards his family again.

I really am giving so much to my role as a mother that it hurts deeply to see that somehow, I still fall short (Can you detect the perfectionist mom there?). It’s hard not to despair, you know, given that excellence is always my aim.

Then I remembered this invitation from Happy Family Matters to share about what kind of parent I am or what parenting style I employ. Initially, I thought it such a simple question. Upon deeper consideration, though, I understood the wisdom of such inquiry. Well, maybe, the answer could be deduced from the preceding paragraphs. But I want to clarify and expound further on the matter.

As a mother, I want to model excellence in everything. Unfortunately, the modeling does not come perfect as they also see my weaknesses – my impatience over failure, my strict adherence to high standards that seem to baffle them at times and my being hard on myself when I fail.

As a person, I am strong-willed and more of the disciplinarian than my husband. I am loving, affectionate and attentive to the needs of my family but I can be ruthless in imposing discipline. I know that loving is not all about being gentle and tender and soft and cuddly. It is a fact that kids are the angels of our lives but they come with the full potential to turn into little devils. More than anything, I look at mothering as my opportunity for character building for the kids to grow into good, upright, godly individuals. Thus, the ruthlessness when it counts and the outrage at my son’s behaviour the other night.

I also have a deep sense of responsibility. I am not one who can ignore a task that needs doing or a concern I have to tackle. I go to great lengths to prepare their food so that it is delicious, attractive and nutritious. There was one time when we were still in the Philippines, I would cook chicken barbeque at 5:00 am (imagine the trouble of starting up the coal fire) because I knew that they would love it and would eat a lot even in my absence. I was working full time then and yet, I would cook up to four dishes in the morning before I leave for work because they would not eat a lot if somebody else cooked their food. So, they would have breakfast, lunch and even my older son’s packed lunch in school already by the time I go to work. I would feel confident and at peace that they will not starve and that made me really very happy.

I do not mind not getting enough sleep as long as their uniforms are washed and pressed or that they have everything else that they need the next day. Even when I was on travel and would be away for a week, I would run the house in absentia through calls, carefully-prepared menus and cooked frozen food that the maid will have to heat for every meal. Even with my husband with them, I still plan everything to the last detail from their meals to snacks to whatever.

This great sense of responsibility is what makes me efficient as a mom. Regardless of my own personal needs and responsibilities outside the home, I make sure that my mom job is done first. And yes, excellence in everything I do, especially in the way I take care of my family is always the standard I strive for.

I know that for a child, it is hard to keep up with this kind of parenting style. But this is the way I am and I want them to aim for excellence in everything they do as well. I challenge them and motivate them to go beyond the ordinary to explore and reach their full potentials – as Christians, as students, as human being, as responsible members of society.

I have obsessive-compulsive tendencies, something that I have seen in my younger son as well (which is very scary for me, I must say). I want things done my way and when they should be done. That’s why I end up doing things instead of delegating it to my hubby, my sons or even my maids back then when we had them in the Philippines. This is also one reason why I cannot totally train my older son to do more complicated house chores. When it is not according to my standard, it is not good enough and it will just upset us both.

In other words, I am a bit of a control freak. I want every detail of my kids’ lives known and monitored by me. At the same time, I am not one who can be kept long in the house without earning my own money. I mean, I am a career woman at heart. So, I have no choice but to compromise my own comfort in order to achieve these two conflicting priorities: my kids and my career.

But I am not all rigidness and discipline. While I find it a bit hard to be playful, I do my best to allow them opportunities to play, learn and be themselves. I am always on the look out for activities for them or places to bring them to for learning, exposure and fun.

I want to leave my kids with the legacy of good training and nurturing love so that when they will be on their own, they will be capable of weathering life and the storms it brings. With this vision, I guess, I am one parent who gives her all to prepare her kids now so that I can leave them with peace and confidence in my heart knowing that they have everything to make it on their own.

I guess, one’s parenting style is all about their very own personality, their way of stamping their own mark on their kids. I hope that only my strong points remain prominent in my kids’ minds and that they will have the wisdom to separate the gold from the dross, my strengths from my weaknesses.

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Tags: Life as I See it

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