May 11, 2008

Mamang



Mother’s Day in the UK is observed in March, thus my post on the event more than a month earlier. Having celebrated Mother’s Day during May for most of my life though, I think I want to blog again to join the chorus of tribute around the world for the most wonderful creature that is Mom.


Specifically, I am honouring my mother, this time. She is no other than Dolores P. Urmanita, Mamang as we call her. This is something which I haven’t done before – honour her in writing and acknowledge her role in my life. She, with all her faults and idiosyncracies, deserves to be recognized for her tenacity and grit, intelligence and wisdom, love and compassion, fierce loyalty and craziness about excellence in everything she does.


Even before I heard anything about obsessive-compulsive personality, I saw the signs and symptoms in her. I experienced it first-hand and somehow, it has shaped and influenced who I am now. But no regrets there, as I attribute my passion for excellence and doing things right to this kind up upbringing. I will forever be grateful that I was given Mamang as my mother. Someone lesser and I would not have achieved what I have now and someone more than her would have destroyed or overwhelmed me. Talking about God’s perfect wisdom…


Her childhood was not easy, but she persisted to get to where she is now – a school owner/operator who holds a Ph.D. in Education Management. She sent herself to school, washing clothes for her teachers and toiling in the fields of the State College where she got her degree in Education.


There were 13 children in the family and she was like in the middle. She was a smart pupil – always on top of her class. When it was time to go to high school, my old-fashioned grandmother (bless her soul) refused to let her study. My mother, the ever spirited and strong-willed person that she is, staged her silent protest by hiding in a big tub/barrel used to store palay grains under their stairs for four days! Of course, when she could not stand her hunger pains any longer, she emerged from her self-imposed solitary confinement cum silent protest cum hunger strike whatever. I tell you, even before I learned about these things in UP (University of the Philippines, known for its robust student activism), she has been there and done those already. I love her spirit, really.


The children helped in household chores as well as farm chores, something that was normal in those days. Even when she was in a far-away town for her high school studies (yes, she prevailed and was the first girl in the family to really pursue her studies), she would work in the farm of other people by removing corn from the cob during weekends. She would then sell her share of corn in town. Of course, she would walk all the way there (we are talking of miles and miles here). Since every household used to have Bantay (guard/domestic dog) in those days, she would ask one of her younger sisters to go with her to shoo away the dogs while they walked because Mamang would be carrying the sack of corn on top of her head (that was not an easy balancing act to do, is it?).


She finished college and went on to send three younger sisters to school plus a few nephews, nieces and other distant relatives. While she was working full time, she pursued her Masteral and Doctoral studies – alongside us going to school as well. She was and still is a workaholic. Never, as in, never did I see her lounging around the house doing nothing. She was always acting with purpose. She always had a reason to do something or get out of the house. And when she arrives, she always had something with her for the family – a loaf of bread, a basket of vegetables or a bar of soap or a bottle of cooking oil – whatever!


I learned a lot of things in life from my mother. Even with what she has achieved so far, she never forgets that she once was dirt poor (not that she is rich now, but at least, she has gone a bit farther than the barrio lass that she was). She showed me how it is to aim for excellence in everything I do. I learned from her how it is to prioritize my education and never to stop learning, to live the way I would want my kids to live.


It was her goal to send all her children to college (which she did – along with my father, of course). Then, she helped other less fortunate students finish school as well by taking them in as free boarders in exchange for some domestic chores. She knows how it is to be deprived of the opportunity to go to school and so now, she refuses to package her school as an expensive private school, thereby losing money or not making enough to sustain it (which is a bone of contention in the family, but that is a different story on its own).


My mother is a dedicated educator. She exacts excellence from her staff and faculty – even those students she taught as practice teachers before her retirement. Her students remember not her strictness but how good she was as a teacher, how motherly, how supportive.


But even as a career woman, she managed to take care of us with the help of an endless string of maids. She refused to give us instant noodles for breakfast even if it was more convenient for her to do so, as she was always thinking of nutrients for our growing bodies. Softdrinks and junk foods were a big no-no. And I thought she was downright selfish and a killjoy before (out of ignorance, of course).


I can go on forever singing my mom’s praise. But it was not always like this. I only came to fully understand her when I became a mother, too. Let’s just say, the connection between us was enhanced when I became a Momma as well. I wish I spent more time admiring her and being more grateful for everything that she has done for us and all the other people that came into her life. That’s why now, I express my deepest gratitude to her by being the best Momma for my kids – the way she was with us her children.


To my Mamang, I love you so much and I am mighty proud I am yours.

May 9, 2008

My Favourite Momma Quote, My First Ever Tag


1. Irresistible Fascinations / Naomi 2. Dance of Motherhood / Dette 3. Life and Me /Pinayjade) 4. HotMomma / Mathe

I was tagged (as if I know the meaning of the word! - lol!) for the first time ever by one of my favourite bloggers, Pinay Jade. Hey, girl!, if you are reading this, then know that I somehow figured out how it works - thanks to your short explanation.

So, I am supposed to share my favourite Momma quote and then tag my other online friends. It was not easy to make up my mind on the best quotation in my book because we all know there are tons of beautiful things that can be said about moms.

At first, i was just gonna share a simple joke: What is a six-letter word that picks up things and starts with an "M"? No, it's not magnet, it's mother!

But then, I thought, Mother's Day is kinda special and I might as well get more serious with sharing my favourite mommy quotation just to inspire everyone. So, here goes:

"God could not be everywhere, so He created mothers" - a Jewish proverb

Isn't that beautiful? As beautiful as the hearts of women who selflessly set aside their own desires for the sake of their children and families. Mommas are amazing and it takes a God to think about creating 'em.

In turn, I am tagging 24-Hour Paradigm, GirlforAllStatus, Petula Wright, A Transformed Life, Pinay American Fink and Sasha Says.



May 7, 2008

Mothering by Fathers












I read in a
magazine about these two women who have just released their book on parenting. These gorgeous women have adorable kids, married to successful men and have the figure of glamorous celebrities. As in, they look really fetching and glamorous. If they have not written a book on parenting and have not posed with their children (eight between them), I would not have believed that they are actually moms.


Having said that, I must say that I am not writing about how great they look – it’s just something I can’t help mentioning here. I haven’t actually read their book so that is not what I am posting about either. It is something about a piece of information they divulged during the magazine interview that caught my interest. Fact is, they both had bad or sad experiences with their mothers, though they eventually made peace with them when they were older and had their own families. Both of these women authors positively affirm that they received considerable amount of mothering from their fathers. Considering that these women (as it appears) turned out to be good mothers and wives, their dads must have had done a good job with them.


One of the two women-authors, whose parents divorced when she was very young, considered her weekends as her lifeline, when she would get to see her dad again. Living with her mom throughout the week was almost unbearable, according to her and her time spent with dad was the little sunshine in her life.


This struck me quite hard, because until now, I really haven’t entertained the idea that fathers can potentially have profound effects on their daughters in terms of how they will end up eventually as parents. I mean, they can be great parents, of course, and they can positively influence their kids to do well in life. But particularly to help their daughters to be better moms someday is quite foreign to me.


I don’t have scientific data, I know, but being made aware of this possibility makes me suddenly realize how hands-on a father my husband is, too. Well, he may not have the culinary skills to feed his children with nourishing food, but he sure knows how to be there as their mentor or friend in a lot of ways. He is there to teach his kids how to tie their shoelaces (believe me, I could not break down the whole process into simpler steps for the boys to understand!) or to help them with their school work.


The thought humbles me, actually, because I now suddenly realize that I am not the “star of the show”. I have my husband who is my brilliant “co-star” and who knows how to complement my mothering with his own brand of parenting. Of course, I cannot expect him to mother the boys in exactly the same way that I do – though I sure would love him do that.


By nature, men are not designed to give the kind of mothering that moms actually give, but they are designed as well to contribute to the parenting process with their unique contribution of leadership, strength, boyish playfulness and laid-back approach to life in general.


Whereas for me, I do my share of mothering with a little bit of tenderness, strictness and a good measure of obsessive-compulsive style thrown in. Plus, of course, the other good things that can be expected of a mother (I’d like to think that).


I am thankful for having a man who has this ability to commit to his role and responsibility as a parent. Somehow, I have more reason to believe that my boys will grow up to be more adjusted in life, given the right modeling of fatherhood they got from their Papa.